There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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