I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
