is your mom at the bar?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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