Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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