first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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