just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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