Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
