Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
