There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
