So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
