I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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