and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
