You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
