I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
