Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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