you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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