It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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