Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
