if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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