im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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