You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
