I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
worst night to have a conscience
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
