College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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