is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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