I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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