I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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