Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
