true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
