Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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