Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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