This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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