I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it glows. i had to have it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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