I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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