All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
