Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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