smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
