the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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