dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This house was built for laser tag.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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