member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
