Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
