honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
