You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
