I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
