Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
