I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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