How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
