I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He shit in the fireplace
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