do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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