Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize