why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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