Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think your dad took our porno
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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