I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
