He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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