So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
