I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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