Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
