And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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