How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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