As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
