It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
