i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
