so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
