I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
