we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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