textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the liver wants what the liver wants
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
