I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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